Environmental Social Governance Investing (ESG) and Socially Responsible Investing (SRI) are fraught with misunderstanding. When I was first coming up as a planner, your only options were extremely expensive mutual funds. Now, you can invest in a relatively low-cost portfolio, but I still see confusion about oversight and to what extent these funds meet the average consumer’s expectations.
Socially responsible investment funds often are not as socially responsible as you’d expect. In fact, many well-known ESG funds are still invested in fossil fuels, deforestation, the prison industrial complex, and more.
BUT, there are tools to look into your investments more! As You Sow features a free online tool, Invest Your Values, that analyzes the impact of many mutual funds, ETFs, and 401k plans offered by some of the biggest employers in the US.”
When some of my planners and I discussed this, I asked them, what do you wish more people understood about socially responsible investing?
Here’s what they said:
Joann Nieciecki:
“While socially responsible investing (SRI) can be both financially sound and morally fulfilling, it’s essential to recognize that it goes beyond choosing a fund with ESG or SRI in the name. Take the time to dig deeper into the details and investment criteria of socially responsible funds to ensure they align with your values.”
Sam Kirby:
“It’s not perfect! Much like so many of you, I really would like my investments to be in companies that uphold my values. In digging into many socially responsible investments, however, I find I am disappointed by their holdings…yes, they may exclude oil and child labor, but are missing the nuance of what I’m aiming for. It can also cost more to be in these types of investments, as there is more oversight needed to ensure they are upholding the principles of the fund. Again, it’s not perfect, but it’s a step in the right direction that for many is worth the additional cost of the investments.”
There you have it. Is moving toward a more socially responsible portfolio a priority this year? Then I recommend you chat with us sooner than later…you can find out more about that here.
The post ESG & SRI Investing appeared first on Creative Money.
Fun isn’t a component of fundamentals.
The tedious, repetitive processes are critical for all aspects of success in life and your finances.
Nothing can substitute for getting your reps in.
The recent World Series between the N.Y. Yankees and Los Angeles Dodgers is a case in point.
Both teams possess prodigious talent, but the Dodgers know how to play the game.
The Yankees lineup includes three hitters who can mash t…
The post Pay Attention To The Steak, Not The Sizzle appeared first on A Teachable Moment.
Investing in stocks can be like navigating a sea of uncertainty, where every wave in the market could either make or break your portfolio. One company that frequently catches the eyes of investors is Altria Group, Inc. (MO). This company boasts a wife product range and solid profits. However, there is the moral part of the equation. Do you want to own a stock in a company that produces a product that kills people? I firmly believe people are adults, it is not my place to be the judge of that. If I want to own this stock, I should not feel guilty about it.
But, is MO stock a wise addition to your investment basket in September 2024? Let’s explore it together.
Need to eliminate debt fast?
Pending holiday stress and debt got you down? Try these 7 quick tips to crush debt and keep the season bright.
Debt sucks, so eliminate debt fast
Debt stress can sneak up on anyone—even if you’re not carrying any. Why? Because slipping into debt is as easy as saying, “Just one little splurge…”
One unplanned swipe on a credit card, and suddenly, you’re staring down a mountain you didn’t sign up for. Got hit with an unexpected medical bill? You might feel like you’re renting that MRI for the next five years.
And then, there’s the social pressure to celebrate everything.
Birthdays, anniversaries, retirements? Sure. But don’t forget the gender reveal, the baby shower, the actual baby, the baby’s first birthday…then it’s Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, New Year’s…where does it end?
Spoiler: it doesn’t—unless you make it.
So, if debt has crept in like a holiday guest who missed the “go home” memo, it’s time to kick it out. Try our 7 quick tips to eliminate debt FAST and keep your finances stress-free.
How to eliminate debt fast
Save for true emergencies—like medical issues or natural disasters—most of us rack up debt trying to fill a void. Trust us, we’ve been there! That itch to buy, buy, buy when we can’t afford it? It often hides something unsettled in our past, present, or future selves, whispering, “Hey, this will make you feel better!”
After years of soul-searching, we realized that our debt wasn’t just about overspending; it was about making up for years of hiding, bullying, and staying in the closet as young gay boys. When we finally came out, we celebrated our freedom like it was going out of style—and so did our credit cards!
Our newfound freedom (and credit limit) found a home in the dance clubs. Those neon lights and late nights made us feel like we belonged for the first time. But here’s the twist: we feared that our new tribe might reject us if we didn’t live up to the “fabulous” life. So, we spent and spent—until the debt caught up.
So, what’s your void? Only you can answer that, but if you don’t dig deep to understand what’s driving your spending, you’ll find yourself stuck in a debt spiral with no end. Like any addiction—whether it’s to alcohol, shopping, or the thrill of one-click purchases—debt can be a symptom of something more profound.
To break free from debt, get crystal clear on the root cause. What’s that emotional itch that keeps you reaching for your wallet?
Then, tackle debt head-on with honesty, strategy, and a commitment to a fabulous, debt-free life.
1. Learn your ‘why’
What’s your why? Why do you want to be free of debt?
Let’s face it: millions of people are fine paying $1,000 to $5,000 a year just to keep up with their debt. We, however, were spending a whopping $10,000 annually in interest alone on $51,000 of credit card debt! That’s ten grand every year—just gone, with nothing to show. No luxury trips, no retirement nest egg, nada. For us, it became clear: we’d rather kiss that debt goodbye and put that money toward things we truly care about, like vacations, a secure future, and the occasional well-deserved margarita (preferably on a beach).
Knowing your “why” is essential, mainly when sticking to a debt-free plan, and starts to feel as fun as watching paint dry. Creating a debt repayment plan and lowering your interest rates are significant steps, but paying down debt can still feel like a marathon—one where the finish line moves every time you get close. That’s where your “why” swoops in like your personal coach, nudging you forward when your old habits come calling.
After plenty of self-reflection (and probably a few too many late nights at the club), we realized our disco days were fun but weren’t feeding our souls. When we peeled back the layers, we wanted a secure retirement, more time exploring the world, and the chance to give back to your community. Living disconnected from these values was making life more complicated, not easier. Once we had that clarity, the motivation to become debt-free became stronger.
Everyone’s motivation is different, but when you have a strong “why,” the path forward is more apparent. When we’re tempted to slip back into our old spending habits, we ask ourselves: “Would we rather grab a margarita here in [insert current, not-so-exotic U.S. location] or be sipping one on the beach in Puerto Vallarta?” Spoiler alert: PV always wins.
Whatever fuels your fire, keep that vision front and center. Picture it clearly and use it as your secret weapon when things get tough. And remember, the right plan is key. Our motivation lasted over two and a half years because we clung to our “whys”—our dreams of travel, security, and community. That’s how we finally conquered $51,000 in credit card debt. If we can do it, you can too.
2. Stop accruing debt
Let’s be honest—no debt repayment plan on Earth will work if you keep piling on more debt. It’s like emptying a bathtub while the faucet’s still on full blast.
Imagine this: you’re knee-deep in a DIY plumbing project (because YouTube convinced you, “How hard can it be?”), and suddenly, bam—a pipe bursts. Water’s spraying everywhere; before you know it, it’s raining in your kitchen. Your first instinct? You go full Dutch-boy mode, finger in the hole, hoping you can hold back the flood. But spoiler alert: it doesn’t work, and now you’ve got one soggy finger and a full-blown disaster on your hands. You can grab all the buckets and towels you want, but they’re as helpful as a screen door on a submarine.
The only solution? Stop the water at the source. Turn off the pipes!
The same goes for debt. If you’re serious about getting out of it, you’ve got to stop adding more. Otherwise, you’ll be working double-time to make progress and wondering why you’re constantly treading water instead of moving forward. Close your financial “pipes”—put the credit cards on ice (maybe literally!) and say no to anything that’s not essential.
When you stop the inflow of new debt, every payment you make brings you closer to debt-free. Only then will you be able to confidently tackle the debt and make your dream of financial freedom a reality.
3. Do a spending analysis
Next up, it’s time to analyze your spending. Don’t worry; this isn’t like dissecting a frog in high school biology—although the results might be just as surprising (and a little slimy).
The truth is, most of us don’t know where our money goes each month. We might have a vague idea (“I think I spend around $50 on coffee?”), but those “little” expenses add up faster than a Kardashian’s Instagram likes. The good news? Usually, there are only one to three big-ticket outliers in your spending. These are the budget busters that, if reined in, can make your debt-free dreams a lot more realistic and achievable.
Think of it this way: if your spending habits are a giant pizza, these outliers are those extra toppings you didn’t need but ordered anyway—the truffle oil, the artisanal cheese, the fancy mushrooms. Delicious? Sure. Necessary? Not so much. Reining in just a few of these outliers can make a huge difference in your debt-elimination journey without forcing you to survive on instant noodles and tap water.
So, grab your bank statements, a highlighter, and maybe a glass of wine for moral support, and start tracking where those dollars are slipping away. The more you uncover, the faster you’ll realize which areas need tightening. Once you identify those sneaky culprits, you can start making smarter spending choices that get you closer to debt freedom without sacrificing all the little joys in life.
4. Save $500 – $1,000 for emergencies
Life happens, and let’s be honest—it rarely unfolds in a neat, straight line. It’s like a squiggly doodle with unexpected loop-de-loops and the occasional banana peel. Just when you think you’re on track, an unexpected expense pops up like the surprise twist in a soap opera. That’s why, before tackling debt, it’s essential to set aside a little “oops fund”—$500 to $1,000 just for emergencies.
Think of this fund as your financial bubble wrap, cushioning you from life’s little “gotchas.” When your car battery dies in the middle of nowhere, or your dog decides to swallow something questionable, this stash keeps you from reaching for the credit card. It’s the difference between a temporary setback and a full-on financial derailment.
Building this mini-emergency fund will give you a cozy budget cushion so you can progress on your debt without the constant two-steps-forward, three-steps-back dance. Once this cushion is in place, you’ll have the peace of mind to tackle debt with gusto, knowing that life’s hiccups won’t completely knock you off course.
So, stash away that emergency cash pronto. It’s your first line of defense against chaos, and trust us—it’s way more effective than crossing your fingers and hoping nothing goes wrong.
5. Use the Debt Lasso Method
The Debt Lasso Method is the not-so-secret sauce that helped us rope in $51,000 of credit card debt in less than three years. And we’re not alone—this method has guided others in paying off over $500,000 in the past two years. Why? Because it’s more effective than the Avalanche Method, easier on your wallet than the Snowball Method, and way more satisfying than watching your balance barely budge month after month.
If you’re ready to take control, grab your lasso (or calculator) and follow these steps:
1. Commit to the No-Debt Pact
Promise yourself: no more debt. None. Nada. Zilch. Then, set a specific dollar amount you’ll add to your net minimum payments every month. Every. Single. Month. No skipping, no cheating.
2. Trim the Low-Hanging Fruit
Start by tackling any cards you can pay off within a month or two using your committed payment amount. These quick wins will boost your morale, slim down your credit statements, and give you a taste of what’s to come.
3. Lasso Your Debt into Fewer, Lower-Interest Locations
The goal? Corral your debt into as few places as possible with the lowest interest rates. Think of it as consolidating your debt “herd.” Use 0% interest balance transfer credit cards or a low-interest personal loan to reduce interest costs and keep things manageable.
4. Automate Your Payments Like a Well-Oiled Machine
Set up automated payments for all your bills, including that committed minimum payment. Let automation be your best friend here—because the fewer steps between you and paying off debt, the better.
5. Monitor, Adjust, and Keep Up the Momentum
Keep an eye on your finances to ensure your automated payments work smoothly. When one card bites the dust, redirect those payments to your next target like a true debt-wrangling pro. Every payoff milestone deserves a little celebration, but don’t get too cozy—you’re not done yet!
The Debt Lasso Method isn’t just a strategy; it’s a way to regain control over your financial life and ditch debt faster, cheaper, and more effectively than any other method. Saddle up and lasso those balances—you’ll be debt-free before you know it.
6. Put all extra money toward debt
Here’s the deal: every time you free up a dollar—whether trimming expenses, reigning in that takeout habit, scoring a lower interest rate, or cutting back on the “I-deserve-this” splurges—that dollar has a mission. And that mission? Laser-focus it straight onto your credit card balances. Think of it as enlisting every penny into your “Operation Debt Freedom” fund.
And don’t stop there! Any windfall, however big or small, gets drafted into the cause. Tax refund? Bingo—direct deposit to debt. Bonus from work? Straight to your balances. Pay raise? Awesome—your credit card issuer will love that extra payment. Promotions, holiday checks, birthday money from Aunt Martha, who still thinks you’re 12—all of it goes toward wiping out that debt until you’re officially in the clear.
Yes, we know. Spending that tax refund on vacation sounds much more fun than handing it over to your credit card company. But remember: with each extra dollar you throw at your debt, you’re buying yourself a life with zero credit card chains, no minimum payments, and much more peace of mind. And imagine how sweet it’ll feel when every dollar you earn is finally yours again. Now that’s worth every extra cent you can muster.
7. Send it before you spend it
To get different results, we’ve got to break out of our old, debt-friendly habits. And trust us—as former “debt enthusiasts,” we know how tricky this can be. We’ve been there, done that, and then done it again. Case in point: David loved using his credit card even when we had cash because he liked the feeling of having money. The thrill of seeing that little pile of dollars in his wallet? Hard to resist! But here’s the catch: it kept us spinning our wheels in debt.
So, let’s talk about a little mantra we call “send it before you spend it.” What does that mean? Simple. As soon as your paycheck hits your account, send out those payments! Pay every bill you can immediately—even before the due dates roll around. Yes, you read that right. Take control by paying up front. For extra convenience, you can even call your service providers (cable, phone, and so on) and ask them to adjust your payment dates to align with your pay cycle. This way, you’re consistently covering your bases as soon as you have cash.
If you’ve consolidated your debt, this becomes even smoother. With one monthly payment, managing your budget and avoiding the “oops, forgot that bill” moment is more accessible. By sending it before you spend it, you’re setting up a system that makes paying your bills feel less like a chore and more like second nature.
And the perks? On-time payments are like magic for your credit score. Plus, it means you can kiss those nagging “you missed a payment” calls goodbye. Credit card companies and bill collectors won’t be calling you; instead, you’ll be able to focus on the things that matter—like crushing your debt for good.
So there you have it—our seven tried-and-true tips to wipe out debt fast. No gimmicks, just real steps to help you build a life where your money finally works for you.
Get more ways to eliminate debt ASAP:
- 10 Ways to Lower Student Loan Payments
- How to Pay Off Credit Card Debt in 2024
- How to Make Good Financial Decisions
We look at the various UK Railcard choices that are available today and if they are worth it, and review which may help you save money.
The post Is a Railcard worth it in the UK? appeared first on The Financial Wilderness.
Tanya Taylor 0:02
I heard your story, and you talked about how you were at your job and you didn’t like it, right? And you were just like, okay, what can I do? And you’re going through these hyperlinks, and suddenly you start a blog, and then it led to a podcast, and then look at you now. So, so this is a typical example of how shifting that mindset from okay, this is impossible. I won’t be able to do this to Okay. How can I do this? Because this is what I want. T
Jamila Souffrant 0:26
minus 10 seconds. Welcome to the journey. To launch podcast with your host, Jamila Souffrant as a money expert who walks her talk. She helps brave journeyers like you get out of debt, save, invest and build real wealth. Join her on the journey to launch to financial freedom. 54321,
if you want the episode show notes for this episode, go to journey to launch.com or click the description of wherever you’re listening to this episode in the show notes, you’ll get the transcribed version of the conversation, the links that we mentioned, and so much more. Also, whether you are an OG journeyer or brand new to the podcast, I’ve created a free jump start guide to help you on your financial freedom journey. It includes the top episodes to listen to, stages to go through, to reach financial freedom, resources and so much more you can go to journey to launch.com/jump start to get your guide right now. Okay, let’s hop into the episode. Hey, hey, hey, journeyers, welcome to the journey to launch Podcast. I’m so excited to be speaking to today’s guest Tanya Taylor. She is an award winning author, TEDx, speaker and founder and CEO of grow your wealth, a financial education platform which helps women achieve confidence, managing their finances so they can build wealth and retire worry free. She infuses her knowledge from learning and teaching about wealth building with over 24 years on Wall Street in the banking and insurance industries, she’s been featured in numerous publications, like business, insider, Black Enterprise, you name it, and I can’t wait to get into Tanya’s story. So welcome to the podcast.
Tanya Taylor 2:17
Thank you so much for having me. Jamila,
Jamila Souffrant 2:19
okay, so let’s get into it. You are Jamaican. Always love speaking to my fellow Jamaicans, and you have a story to tell so you were not born into wealth or just with the knowledge you have that came over time, with the mistakes and with real life experiences, and I really feel like those stories are what listeners can connect with and learn from the most. So I do want to take it back a bit. Your origin story. You growing up in Jamaica. And can we start there?
Tanya Taylor 2:53
Yeah, absolutely. So I grew up in Jamaica, went to high school in Jamaica, graduated high school, and we grew up in extreme poverty to the point where sometimes I couldn’t go to school because, you know, they just couldn’t afford the fair to send me to school and back. So at 16, I graduated high school, had the opportunity to migrate to America, and even that was kind of tricky, because we didn’t have family here, so it was literally just asking friends, can Tanya come and stay with you? Kind of situation. And so we did find someone to allow me to come to live with them. I came here alone, obviously, because it was just having that opportunity, undocumented, with $100 which actually was promised to me when I get here, because my parents did not have $100 to give me in my pocket. And I came here, and, you know, growing up in Jamaica and hearing about America, you always think that people live in this lap of luxury. And I got here, and I was really shocked at what I saw, because basically I came, I was sharing rooms with someone, you know, people were in the apartments, and nothing to any of that. But it was just very different from what I envisioned, right? And everybody was sort of living, was living paycheck to paycheck, and that was a reality for me, but it was also a motivation for me, because then I said to myself, You know what? I have this opportunity, and I do believe that I could change the trajectory of my life. And so I just set out on a path. And even at 16, I started setting goals, and I started budgeting because I wanted to go back to school. I decided that I didn’t want a job. I actually wanted to have a career. And even that was, you know, there was a lot of questions around it, like, but you could go get a job and it pays you this, and I’m like, Yeah, but I just want to go get a career, because I think longer term, it’s going to serve me better, and I was able to take the time make the sacrifices and go back to school. And at 25 I graduated college debt free. I had purchased my first home and started my career in public accounting. Okay,
Jamila Souffrant 4:55
all right, so we have to, like, dive into some things here. Well. High School? Did you go to in Jamaica? Glenmore High School. Okay, I’m asking, like, I know
Tanya Taylor 5:07
the background, right?
Jamila Souffrant 5:09
Like my mom, if she listens, she loves hearing. When she hears other Jamaicans,
Tanya Taylor 5:14
she will know about Glen Muir too. Yes, yes.
Jamila Souffrant 5:17
So I think there’s a couple things here. Where did you first come? What’s what state,
Tanya Taylor 5:24
Brooklyn, New York, and I’ve never left so also
Jamila Souffrant 5:27
a fellow, long life Brooklyn nighter, you know, like, I’m same way. Immigrated here when I was just under two years old. But your story really reminds me of our mom and you even had less, like, I would say privilege, in the sense that at least we had family here, but at least you also had a friend that would take you in. Some people don’t even have that, and it just really makes you realize, like, perspective, perspective on, you know, not like, of course, everyone has different knows different people, or knows different things, or have different advantages or disadvantages. But it just makes you realize, like, even having a family member here that wants and will take you is like such a leg up versus someone who doesn’t have that, and coming unknown into a place you’ve never been experiencing, like that cold weather for the first time, right? So you remember that, and I just love you just said you didn’t want a job. You wanted a career, which kind of shows, like, the importance of being in something for the long term. So giving up the okay for the great, but then being willing to, like, see it through, and then having that mindset. So I’d love for you to talk a little bit about the mindset, because you just said you because you just said you came with $100 when you were 16, and then by the time you were 25 you graduated with your degree, and you bought a house. So take me through like, those years, like what you did, like what was pushing you, the thought process to make that leap.
Tanya Taylor 6:57
So my biggest goal, right, was I want to get out of poverty. I want to take my family out of poverty. And I think that shifts your mindset automatically, or at least it did for me. In order for me to do that, there were certain steps that I needed to take. And so everything that I did was anchored to I don’t want to stay in poverty. I don’t and I want to eventually bring my family here. So I started out, I was making $75 a week. I had to pay the people I was staying with two. Staying with $20 a week. And I also was saving for college, so I was saving $20 and being of West Indian background, you’ve probably heard the word partner or Susu, so I was able to save and basically that’s like, for those who don’t know, a susu is like a communal saving where everybody puts money in a pot, and each week, one person gets all of the money that’s put in the pot, and it keeps going around until everybody has gotten their portion that they’ve put in. So I was able to do that to save for college, because, again, because undocumented, I don’t have family, I can’t get student loans, so I had to pay for college on my own. And then, you know, once I moved from $75 to making $140 a week, I was still pretend like I’m making $75 and save the rest of it. And that was able to help me to really save for college. So I graduated college, um, got a scholarship to go on to my four year I went to two year college, to four years of college, a really great scholarship, but I couldn’t afford the rest because I couldn’t get a student loan, so I ended up the only job I could get, and I was still undocumented, was a job as a babysitter. So I was a babysitter living in someone’s basement for a while, and when all my friends went off to college, we all got the same scholarship. It was really demoralizing for me. I was just like, oh my god, this is where I am. Long story short, though, I saw an ad for this, like more data entry, sort of word processing. And I remember going, I cannot spend to pay for this, because I’m making so little. But six months later, I was still a babysitter in this person’s basement, and I was like, You know what? I’m just gonna spend the money. So I literally just saved up all the money. I had saved up, put it in that program less than I would say, two to three months later, I went from making that $10,000 as a babysitter, making $40,000 working at Goldman Sachs. And so when I started making because of that job, because of investing in that program, I was able to, two to three months later, get that job at Goldman Sachs, doing that work. And so I was making about 40,000 so I pretended like I was still making 10,000 and that’s how I was able to save to purchase the house. I started my retirement plan. Got life insurance because I met a mentor, and he just sort of told me certain things that I needed to do. And I think also just being at Goldman Sachs talking to some of these I was working in an investment banking division, talking to some of these guys, and hearing how they talk, and some of the things they did that also just sort of made me go, Hmm, these are the things that I need to do if I want to build wealth.
Jamila Souffrant 9:49
Can you if you are so kind enough to share, like, going from undocumented to documented, like that process was that happening while you were working at Goldman Sachs and. What that looked like? Yeah,
Tanya Taylor 10:01
I won’t get into detail about that, but yeah, the process took about two to three years, and so in between that time, you know, it’s sort of before you can get your social security number. You’re working certain jobs, but you’re very limited, because only certain people will hire you when you are undocumented, and then even when you’re going through the process, you got the Social Security and the Working Papers, that still takes some time too, to be able to just go and get a regular job.
Jamila Souffrant 10:32
Yeah, I just, I brought that up, just because I know I experienced it in my family and know people and so just as hopefully it’s still, uh, inspiration to that, if you’re currently in that situation, or have been that there is, like, there, there are ways, I mean, you have to be crafty and and and go for it, but that, you know, there is a difference, like, that’s another level of privilege, having a social security number and being able to choose, like, what you do and not being mistreated or taken advantage of. So same thing, knowing a lot of people in my family who had to work undocumented as babysitters or house cleaners, and then you get paid under the table, but then, because you don’t have a history of paying taxes or contributing like that adds on. So you don’t get the benefit of any of the government plans.
Tanya Taylor 11:19
Yeah, you get no government benefit, you don’t have credit. Because maybe now, actually, even now, I don’t think, because without a Social Security So even something as simple as having credit, you don’t even have that. You sometimes don’t have a bank account. Now they’ve allowed people to be able to have bank accounts, but that was also something that didn’t have a bank account either. And
Jamila Souffrant 11:39
the other thing you said, so this is what I talk about in the book, my book, Your journey to financial freedom, is clicking on hyperlinks where you know you might find something. This refers to reading article, and you find something interesting, and you went there for the article. But then you click on Word is hyperlinked, and then you you’re interested in that. You click on it, it takes you down like rabbit holes. But you have to one notice the word or the sentence and be intrigued by it, and then two click on it, and then go and keep going. And so I just think there are so many, whether we call it breadcrumbs that we’re following or hyperlinks that we are looking at, that if we follow them, or if we notice them, first, we have to notice them can lead us to the freedom or the pathways that we want. And so it sounds like you coming across this ad you said, or was, like,
Tanya Taylor 12:29
in the newspaper, because back then, the Internet didn’t necessarily exist. But yeah, I came across the ad, and I was like, huh, this looks interesting. And they kind of talked about how much you could make. And a lot of times you’re skeptical too, like, maybe it’s a scam. So initially I was like, maybe it’s a scam, but I spoke to the woman, she was like, Oh no, it’s legit. This is where you would go to work. And it was also great for me, because I had heard of Goldman Sachs and some of those larger firms, and it was like, Wow, if I could go work there, then what doors could that open up for me? So yeah, it was awesome, right?
Jamila Souffrant 13:01
And that’s the thing, right? Discernment. So I do think, I don’t know if it’s just a, I know it’s not just a me thing or a Caribbean thing, or just like a black people thing, or people of color you missed, like, I I’m like, is this a scam? Are they trying to trick me get my money? And, you know, I think, unfortunately, that prevents us, because some people are scamming, some some of that is not legitimate information that or things they’re trying to sell you, but a lot of times, just like even me, like, there are things that I know I’m like, this would be so helpful, and it might require money for people to pay to do and but I just know some people are just not even going to think about it, because they’re not they don’t want to Pay money or invest in that way for whatever reason. And I’m just like, wow, like, this is like you literally, this will help you get to where you want to be if you do this thing. And so I think that also being able to trust your own discernment and take risk is so important on the journey, because I know, like, if you didn’t take that risk, then you would have been stuck, like you said, and just making that minimum less than minimum wage for what you were doing.
Tanya Taylor 14:07
Yeah, I would say that completely changed the trajectory of my life, because now going from 10,000 to 40,000 there was so much that I could do, but then also coming across these mentors who was able to say to me, Hey, you can do this. For example, when I was going to buy the house at the time, I was sharing a room with three boys, and I was like, Okay, I’m gonna go get a I think I said a co op at the time. I didn’t even know the difference between a co op on a condo, and he said to me, but you know, like, if you buy a house, you could rent out parts of the house and you could live in it, it’s just you, and then have your tenants pay. And that’s what I ended up doing. I ended up buying a two family house. It had three units. I lived on the ground floor, and I rented out the rest of it so that income was able to cover cover my mortgage, essentially, and then I was able to use my money to do other things. And I was 25
Jamila Souffrant 14:59
and again, I should. Or that decision wasn’t necessarily easy, or that you had a flush of money, you still had to say, Okay, this is a risk, but it’s worth
Tanya Taylor 15:07
taking. Yeah, it was a huge sacrifice. And but when I always think in terms of long term, and so as as you know, and with these mentors kind of saying things to me, and I thought, Well, long term this house might appreciate, because even back then, like now, we could say, well, you can’t buy houses. They’re so expensive. But back then, a house was still expensive to us, too, based on what we were making. So it’s all relative, right? And so buying that house was a huge risk for me, but I was just like, Okay, I’m gonna do it, and I’m going to everything is my spreadsheet. I was always big on budgeting, so I would always go back to my spreadsheet make sure that the numbers make sense, or I would figure out, how am I going to be able to do this? And I also knew that my earning potential would also multiply once I graduated college, too. So even as I was buying the house and it was like, Really, just like stretching every penny, I figured, okay, maybe in the next three to five years it will still be a little bit easier, because even with the rent covering the mortgage, and there was some other stuff, which I won’t get into here, but it was like I ran into a lot of challenges with the house. But even even with that, it was, it was still a lot of penny pinching. Well, talk
Jamila Souffrant 16:20
about like going from making 10,000 to 40,000 and I’m sure you started to make more and more. How you didn’t have lifestyle inflation? Or was it tempted to spend money? You know, as your colleagues working in Goldman Sachs, your colleagues may be going out to eat or spending their money. They may not have the same goals as you or just family members. You know what that looked like, being able to earn more but have the discipline to spend a lot less. What did? What was that? How did you figure that out?
Tanya Taylor 16:49
Yeah, I think, I think a lot of that, again, came to long term thinking, and so so I didn’t, wasn’t just spending 10,000 anymore, because I made a little more. So I spent a little more, right? But then my family was still back home. And you as a West Indian, know, like a lot of times when we come here, we help to support our family back home. So I was able to do that. I spent more helping them back home, like build a house. When I left, I think we lived in one room, maybe two, and so helping to build a house, and, you know, helping with my sisters to go to school all this stuff. So that’s where part of my money went to. But the other part was, okay, yeah, my friends might be going out, but if I buy this house or I gotta pay my tuition, maybe I could go once, because the culture is that people go out often, right in corporate and even back then, like even though my friends weren’t in the corporate, corporate side, but people went out and hang out. And so maybe I’ll go once. So not completely like left out. But then it was always going back to my numbers, going back to my spreadsheet. And I think thinking long term, like, I don’t want to be poor by then, I started to make goals. By 45 I want to have a million in my bank account. So always thinking about, what do I want to have, and how am I going to get there, and knowing that if I spent too much now, I wouldn’t be able to do that in the future. And I think that’s really what’s kept me grounded. Just just always thinking about my why.
Jamila Souffrant 18:14
Yeah, so important to keep that in mind as we travel through because it could be so many other whys that pop up little wise, little things that want to deter us from the bigger, more substantial. Why that we say we care about so you Okay, so you are making more money at Goldman. Sachs. Tell me what happens next, and how are you progressing through your career and finances?
Tanya Taylor 18:36
Yeah, so, so when I so at Goldman, that was not my career. That was still just a job. And when I graduated college, I went to Deloitte, which is one of the big five accounting firm. And interestingly enough, I started out making less at Deloitte than I was making at Goldman, and at one point I was almost tempted to take another job which was paying, I think it was paying 70,000 so I graduated college, there was a job offering maybe 70,000 but it was still a job. It was not a career. And a couple of people were jumping from Goldman going to that job, and here I was taking a job offer at a big five for $40,000 but again, looking at the long term, I wanted to be a CPA. I knew that in order to become a CPA, I needed to go to a big five. That was the fastest route. So I was just like, I’m gonna pretend like I never heard about the $70,000 I’m gonna go to Deloitte, because I know that in the next couple years I could make that 70 and way beyond. And so I went to Deloitte. I spent four years after I left, went back to Goldman, Sachs, coincidentally, and spent a little time there, but within five years, I was making six figure. And so when I looked back and thought about, okay, if I had taken that job paying me $70,000 I would probably still be at that job making $70,000 whereas going that route, my income potential. It’s just like exponential you
Jamila Souffrant 20:02
kind of defined it or explained it a bit, but I want us to go a little bit more, for you, the definition between job versus career, so that people can understand, for them, what that looks like if they’re currently in a job, or that they should be looking at things more like a career. So what’s the difference? Oh,
Tanya Taylor 20:19
absolutely. So a job, really, you’re going to work every day, but the possibility of advancing is not really there. And even if you can advance, there is like this ceiling. But most people in a job is just the same thing that they go in and they do day to day with no possibility of going any for any further. Whereas a career, when you have a career, if you choose right? Because there are some people with career who still does the same thing, but it opens you up to the possibility of not just moving laterally, right? So you could move this way, but you could also move that way, and you could also move into other fields, so not necessarily staying in exactly what you’re doing. So for example, for me as a CPA going in, in the auditing profession, like I knew that once I did like they always said, do at least two years. I figured three to five was like what I wanted to do, that I could go out there. And literally, organizations are going to come seeking you to come work for them. So I never had to look for a job my entire career because they call them Headhunters, like recruiters, just seek you out, and they try to pull you to other firms to work for them as well because of the skill set. So you really develop a broader base of skill set that you can use in so many different areas. So I would say like that is the big difference between the job and the career, and
Jamila Souffrant 21:42
to also know, I think, to be honest with yourself about your ambitions or what you want to do or where you currently are, so currently reflect, are you in a job or in a career? Do you have a job? Do you have a career? And if it’s just a job, what’s your plan? Is it just the coast and you’re good with that. Or do you want to find another job that just makes more money and you just want to be content there’s no ambitions to move up or do different things within a company or another company? Or are you lucky to have a career where you can one day be in a managerial position or earn more money, whatever that looks like? I think, just being honest about what you’re where you where you’re at, what you’re willing to do, and then looking at any steps you need to take to get there. Also, what you said is being willing to almost take less in the moment for that long term payout. Because you know what’s possible, like, you know what the potential is. And so it’s like, all right, I can give up a little bit upfront here, because I’m going to get so much on the back end, yeah,
Tanya Taylor 22:42
especially if you weren’t earning it anyway, like in my case, I was making 40,000 so it’s not like I was making the 70 and taking the huge pay cut, but sometimes you do that too. I took a pay cut to go to the Federal Reserve from my prior job because I felt like the opportunity would allow me to but again, it’s having that conversation with yourself and deciding, hey, where is this going to put me if I do this? And some people are also, okay, cool, just this is my job. I just want to know exactly what I’m doing every day when I go in. And I’m cool with that, so yeah,
Jamila Souffrant 23:14
no judgment on whether you want a job or career, just understanding where you are and be honest about it. So talk me through now, as your sounds like you have this plan in place. You have this vision for your life, a vision for your bank accounts and net worth. Walk me through now, because I know you obviously, not obviously, but you went through some things that caused you to have to pivot or adapt. So let’s go to that. So
Tanya Taylor 23:38
once I graduated college, decided that, you know, I want to leave corporate at 45 I want to have a million dollars in my bank account. I potentially want to have a family. I was 25 I didn’t know. As a matter of fact, if you talk to my friends, I’ll say, Yeah, Tanya always said she never wants to have a family, and I did. But while I was doing that, I still wanted to build wealth, because I have other things that I wanted to do. So I said something, we were on vacation. Now we’re taking vacation, and I remember being a girlfriend on vacation with my girlfriends, and I was like, You know what? We’re, even though we’re, we will eventually be well compensated. But again, the buzz from mentors and people at Goldman Sachs, there are other streams of income that we should be thinking about. So let’s start a stock market investment club. So we ended up starting a stock market investment club. I ran it for six years. Eventually I got I got married and I had children. So that did happen. I have two daughters, and that also had me thinking, I don’t want my children to ever go to college with with student loans. So now the whole switch in, okay, what do I need to do? So I started to save for them for college. Actually, I did before they were born, because I’m just like crazy like that. But I need to build their college portfolio. But I don’t want to detract from my million dollars at 45 and so I kept going that way, down those two paths of. What I wanted to create. And I also wanted to travel with my children from the time they were young, and we did that too. We started traveling when they were six months. So I didn’t make the goal at 45 with a million dollars in the account and leaving corporate. But at 48 I made the goal. When I checked my account, I actually had well over a million dollars. And for my children college, it was, they’re fine. Wherever they end up going to one is in college now, and the other is applying, and wherever they are, they’ll be fine. They never have to worry about student loans. So I thought, okay, I’m good. I’m 48 and I’m at that pivotal point again, and I’m thinking of leaving corporate, and a dream job comes calling, and it’s a job I always said I wanted. Before I leave corporate, I interviewed for the job. And initially when I interviewed, I was also starting my business, my financial coaching business. I had been coaching people for a very long time. From the time I started learning about personal finance, I started teaching people personal finance. So they called, I interviewed, and I interviewed, almost like on a deer. They loved me. They were like, We’re gonna fast track you to interview next week, and I’m there, going, Yeah, but I said I was gonna leave and start my business. So I’m now at this
Jamila Souffrant 26:13
crossroads, crossroads. I’m at this crossroads,
Tanya Taylor 26:15
and I’m like, oh my god, what am I gonna do if I get this job? So I said, Okay, I’m gonna interview, and if they offer me the job, then I’ll decide that was Thursday. On Saturday, my daughter asked me to take her on an errand, and we’re driving, and boom, car accident, and it’s been three and a half years, so I have not worked since then. At the time, I was working at the Federal Reserve Bank, needless to say, I didn’t get the job because I just could not work. But I was injured, and my entire right side was just like numb, weakness, soreness, like I couldn’t work. And it’s only been since the summer that I’ve been relatively pain free. I couldn’t even sit this long for a to do this in one sitting, because it was so bad at certain times. So fortunately, and this is something that I really want all your listeners that are hearing this now to understand, like being prepared is so important, because disability comes out of nowhere. I was literally driving my daughter to go get something to do her hair, and three years later, and my life was completely changed. But I think one of the things that really helped me or two was that I had an emergency fund, and because I was at that crossroads and deciding to leave corporate, I actually had, I often said, a year, but when I look at all the funds that I had, it was more than a year. And I had long term Disability insurance through my job, but a number of years prior, I had gone and got my own supplemental long term disability policy. And for those of you who don’t know what long term disability is it’s an insurance that covers your income if you become disabled. And most companies, the disability that they offer is 60% of your income, and that does not include any bonus. You still have to pay taxes out of it, and you still have to pay your medical expenses out of it. So when I became disabled, I had my job also offered short term disability, but unfortunately, I had used up most of the short term disability. It was right during COVID. And my job had just changed their policy, which said, if you you before their policy was in any one year, if you become disabled, you have six months. They just changed your policy to say, we are going to look back. It’s not we’re not looking within a year anymore. We’re going to look back. And if you’ve taken you’ve taken disability in the past six months you have, you don’t qualify anymore. So at the time of my accident, I had two weeks of short term disability, and my long term disability would kick in in six months, so I needed to fill that gap in between, and I had maybe two weeks of vacation if I didn’t have an emergency fund, like, how would I have funded my lifestyle? Right? Because this, and fortunately, I had the supplemental long term disability policy, which you can purchase from any insurance company, and that would cover about 40% of my income. But that also didn’t kick in for three months, and in the middle of that, my daughter became ill, and most of her medical benefits were not most of her medical like the medicine that she was getting was not covered by the insurance, so I had to pay that out of pocket. I couldn’t cook, so I was doing a lot of Uber heat eats. The therapy that they were giving me was not therapy, so I had to hire my own physical therapist, and I have rental income, and my tenant stopped paying rent.
Jamila Souffrant 29:51
Oh my gosh.
Tanya Taylor 29:55
Sometimes I talk about it, and it’s just like, Oh my God, but all that was happening at the. Same time, while I had no income coming in, and fortunately, I had the emergency fund, but it went really fast. So if I didn’t have that short term disability policy, which when I purchased it, and as you who are listening, what I would say to you first find out from your job what kind of long term disability policy coverage you have, and then after you find that out, then you should get something to supplement it. And if you’re listening and you’re self employed, just go out, please and purchase a long term Disability insurance policy. Because when I think back, despite everything that I had put in place, thought I had in place. All those things came at once, and I had to figure out how to navigate. And obviously I went back to my budget. I had to retweet my budget, all of that, but it was hard. Like I am not someone who’s had credit card debt. I got credit card debt because it was just a lot, and even with the disability, you have to wait a certain time frame to get that money in. So think about where you would be getting the money from to cover all the necessities that you have, that you’re dealing with while you’re dealing with an accident and dealing with a sick child in my case.
Jamila Souffrant 31:16
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Tanya Taylor 34:02
This is the craziest part about it, before this job came calling. So when I set my goal for when I want to quit corporate America, my last day in corporate America was supposed to be October, August, 30, 2021 my accident was August, 28 2021 so I’m like, God, is this redirection? Like, what is going on here? Like, this is crazy. Like, it was just so insane. And I was like, Okay, well, maybe you didn’t want me to take that job, but you could have just said it like, like, literally, you knocked me off my like, it was just, like, it was so crazy. Like, if you look on my vision board right now, like, I’m like, I have to keep this vision board forever, because on it, it said, Leave corporate America September 1 20 Well, yeah, or I think it’s either August 30, 2021, or September 1. But it was that weekend that I had the accident. Wow.
Jamila Souffrant 34:57
What do you think? So? So I know hindsight, looking back is always and you’re just still coming out of it, but like looking back at that, what did that teach you? Like, would you have done? I know you did put a lot of things in place, but is there something else you would have done? Did it teach you anything about having the job versus if you were a full time entrepreneur, like, talk about any of the lessons that you really learned throughout that time, or when this happened,
Tanya Taylor 35:25
you said something about planning, and people just be like, Eff, I probably just shouldn’t plan, and that’s not the way to go. But it’s like, it’s interesting, right? Because I felt like I did everything that I needed to do, and I always risk assess everything. And I look back sometimes and I’m like, what would I do differently? And I think I’m a risk averse person, even though I’m willing to take big risk, in some sense, but I have this high, high need for security, which is why I had, like, that one year emergency fund. One of the things that when as I was getting closer, and I think that’s where, like, the nerves came in right? Even though I had the one year emergency fund, I was so nervous about medical and medical insurance. Like, I was like, Oh my God, I want to make sure that I have enough medical insurance, and that’s super, super expensive. So as I was getting closer to my deadline for September 1, I was like, my business is not like I literally had just started building out the business. Got a few clients in. But it was also a conflict with my job. I worked at the Federal Reserve at the time, so it’s not like I could publicly advertise it. So there was that too and but I was like, I need to replace my income. I need to at least get halfway to my income before I could quit my job. And so that’s one of the things that I would say to someone like, if you’re going to, like, cold turkey, quit your job and start a business like, you have to make sure that you really have certain things in place. You have to figure out how you’re going to pay for your medical you got to figure out that you have enough emergency fund, because when you’re starting up a business, anything can go wrong. You could be diverted in so many different ways. And so you want to feel comfortable, but again, me being so risk averse, someone might say to me, hey, something, you just got to throw it. Throw caution to the wind. Go out there and just be like, I gotta do this. And in a way, I think that’s what I was saying, too, but I having the accident, I realized how much, even now, like so one of the things that happened in between, as I after I had the accident, I was still trying to build my business, but then it came down to and not, I couldn’t build it the way I wanted to, because I was always in constant pain, and I didn’t want to go out there, kind of like not give putting my best foot forward, but if I continue to do my business, that would pull my long term disability from me. And so there was that fear that, what if I continue to do my business, which I desperately wanted to do, but now my long term disability is gone, and I can’t do the business the way I want to, because I’m still in so much pain and things of that nature. So that also made me pull back a lot from pushing forward the way I wanted to do my business. And I think those are a lot of the variables that someone want to think about when they’re leaving their job. So for me, it was I had an accident, so I no longer had a job. I had to give up my job. But if you’re leaving your job, you have two paths. You could just be like, I’m just gonna go and I’m just gonna push forth and I just have to make it, or you can be the more restrained and say, You know what, I want to do this. And I heard you tell your story, right? I want to do this, but I want to have certain things in place that’s going to keep me so that if something were to happen, you know, at least I have this that will keep me for a while.
Jamila Souffrant 38:53
Yeah, so you have to think of so many contingency plans and also, like, get through things luck. I mean, you know, it’s like the crazy things are not happening to us as soon as we leave the house. So it’s so interesting, because especially depending on the station of life you’re in, right? Like, if you have a mortgage, if you have kids, a partner, some of those can be advantages, like having a partner who has like, for me, it was an advantage having a partner who I can insurance that I can go on, but some people do not have that, or just having a multi family home that you can get rent from. But then what if your tenant leaves, or what if all these things start crumbling at the same same time? So I think that resilience part is interesting, because also you probably can definitely speak to this your savings account, like when you think about it, your emergency fund, your fu fund, that you built up. You’re building it up with this idea that you’re going to use it in an emergency, but then when you have to use it, and it’s like depleting, doesn’t that feel like you’re so used to it building up and seeing it grow, and then now it’s depleting, and so it’s. Wager for me, I will speak when I had my job, when I had my fu job, not fu money, and I left my job, and we had to pull from it. It almost felt like, wait a second, why? No, like, it didn’t feel good, even though that was the purpose Exactly.
Tanya Taylor 40:12
It never feels good. I remember as I watched my money going down, and I’m like, Oh my God. And again, always having a certain amount of money in the bank, and then suddenly it’s like, wait what? And I really need to make these choices. I never really had to think about making certain choices, like I have my budget. This is sort of how I live. You know, we traveled a lot, all of that stuff, and it’s not okay, girls, we have to make these choices. And they’re looking at me, and they understood, because I’ve taught them about budget, I’ve taught them about all this stuff. But even for me, just the idea of, oh my God, and my husband, he’s an entrepreneur, so he, he was on my insurance. So it was, it was one of those things still where it’s just like, health insurance emergency fund, like, that’s dwindling really, really fast. How do we replace that? Or what if something else happens? And it just felt like there’s so many other things that happen in between. I’m just like, God, you’re testing everything every five of me. Like, there were times I would just lay down in the bed and cry, like, what is going on? Like, I don’t understand how could all this be happening at once? And so, you know, it’s just the whole idea of adapting and not letting it break you. Like, literally, that’s what it has come down to me. For me, like, okay, can’t let this, this break me. And the other good thing too, I know you didn’t ask this, but the good thing is I never had to pull out of my retirement, and I never had to pull out of my children’s college fund. So with everything that happened and the planning that I had done, I still tell myself that at least it made sense the things that I did, because I’m still able to not have to touch those things. I did get into debt, and I have this goal to pay off my debt in the next 12 months. But even with that, like if I need to pay it off, I just don’t want to use all my cash, so I’d rather have that cash in case something pops up and get the debt. Yeah,
Jamila Souffrant 42:17
so you also just bought up a couple of points about not having to go into your investment or retirement fund, but And so you, I’m assuming you stopped contributing to them also, I think that’s just important to share, because it’s okay to take a pause on things that I’ve done that in certain situations when it was quitting, when I was going to quit my job, and I knew that, and I had a few, like months to plan, we stopped sending money to the investments and retirement accounts, and just kept that cash for to build up our fund or so like, just know that if there is a reason why you need to stop investing or saving, that’s fine. You can get back on track once you have developed the discipline and the knowledge. And that’s why it’s just so important, no matter how you know how much you make, even if you’re budgeting that little bit, it’s like, important, because these tools are going to be helpful for when you earn more and for when there are going to be issues. So that, you know, okay, it’s in my toolbox. I know I’m not using that tool right now, but I know I can reach back in. I know where to find it and when to implement that. And I think that’s just so powerful, because it’s not like you don’t know what to do, and so you’re not doing it. It’s like, I know what to do. I just can’t do it right now, but I will get back to it when I can.
Tanya Taylor 43:25
Yep, yeah. And also, I have to have earned income to put in my retirement plan anyway. For my children, we continued to put money in their college fund. I’m not even sure at this point why, but it wasn’t a lot. It was like their 529, plan. It’s automatic. So I’m sure you talked to your audience about automatic savings. So I just never stopped either. I just, I just continued that as well. But, yeah, retirement plan. But the good news too is that I was well over a million dollars, so it’s just continuing to multiply at this point in time. So even when I think about retirement, and different people think about retirement in different ways, but if I were to think about, okay, when I want to, when I want to start draw down or whatever, I still feel comfortable like I wouldn’t need to adjust my timeline in order to do that. And now I’m getting back into doing my business anyway, so I can catch up and do all of that good stuff.
Jamila Souffrant 44:15
Well, you said you had two teenage daughters. You do have a spouse, so talk about, like, the family dynamic and getting everyone on board and having to switch and change things. I’m sure your budget had to change with all this happening. And then they’re teenagers. So luckily, my kids are not teenagers yet, but I already can see, like, they see other kids with things and like, can we get this Nike elite bag? I’m like, I just bought you a spray ground bag. Like, where? No. So I already see, like the influences and like the wanting of more, which it’s normal, but it’s a conversation about, you know, opportunity cost and mom can’t buy this now because we want to do this. But how did that look like with your older kids and just like having a partner?
Tanya Taylor 44:56
Yeah. So with my children, they’re actually pretty. Is, well, my older daughter never wants anything. She’s not. She’s never been like that fussy child. My younger daughter is the opposite. She always wants what’s in style. But some of the things that we did with our children since they were very young, I had a children’s financial education club where I brought children in, I taught them about personal finance. With my children, they had to make a budget every year, and we buy stuff based on the budget, and I would actually give them money on their card based on their budget. And so they would shop, so everything they did, so they still continued to get their allowance. And then they got a job. I hired them. And this happened, I think this happened right after I had the accident, and so they can only get money that they earn, and they can only buy things with the money that they have after putting money away for savings. And that’s just been the rule. And it stayed that way. I never really fully adjust, like, so I never really switched what they were getting. The things that were a little bit different was like we would take like, four or five vacations a year. So that didn’t happen the way that we planned it, or if we did, because we still traveled, it was more low low budget vacation. And we did that before too. We always did low budget and then we do like fancy, so it was more low budget vacation for us. So those were some of the things that that were different. And my younger daughter, even though she asked for things quite expensive, sometimes, one of the things that we’ve always done with them is that they never got birthday gifts. She’s still mad about that, but it’s just something we never did from the time they were young at Christmas time, we just always bought them everything that they needed. And so we still continue to do that, because they’ve had to watch me struggle through a lot, and I think that’s hard for them mentally. And then my my younger daughter, she’s the one that got ill, and she has gone through a lot, so I feel like for me, I give her more than she probably should get, like during the holidays, like a Christmas time, but outside of that, during the course of the year, they’re spending their money based on what they get paid and and that’s it. And then in terms of adjusting budget, unfortunately, we actually relied more on Uber Eats than we did pre accident, because I would cook. So it actually ended up being beneficial to them, because they don’t like my cooking, so they love the fact that I ordered out. But I actually didn’t have an option with that either and other things. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t remember there being like, significant changes other than, like, vacation. And I remember a couple of times recently, I said to them, like, I’m very honest with my children. I’m like, guys, like the money’s running out. Like, we don’t really have any money in the bank account anymore. And so, you know, like, not to scare them, but to just say, this is our financial situation now. And so they understand. They try not to ask for anything outside of what they’re earning in in getting for themselves.
Jamila Souffrant 48:05
But it’s reality. I mean, think back to when you came here. You said, you know you were 16 or 17. Yeah, 1616, and so your daughter, one of your daughters, is around that age, right? 1719, yeah, right. So both of them are, like, you’re in the middle of that. And that was going to be one of my questions for you. Is that, like my mom, uh, definitely, just she went, she grew up in poverty, and had to forge her way, having me, single mom at 20 years old here, and then bringing me over. And then I witnessed a lot of that. And so I wasn’t given like a lot. I was given, like my basic needs were met. And then some, when it came to love and like encouragement, which again, made I had a job at 14. I went after what I wanted. If there was something I wanted, I knew I had to figure out how to get it. And then now, with our kids, who are growing up with a little bit more privilege, a lot more privilege and things, I think the rest, it’s almost like the recipes are getting lost because part of it, we don’t want to inflict trauma on our kids that, like, why? Don’t want them to go through what my mom went through, or even, you know, even I had a good childhood, but you still want to give a little bit of a leg up when you can, but also not to at their detriment, where they’re not the go getters that we are, yeah, and so I think that’s just so interesting. So one of the things I want to ask you is so some people will look at your story and say, Well, I know you still worked hard and you struggled, but it was back then when home prices were lower and it might have seemed easier compared to now, with inflation and just the way the world is. So do you think you could if you came here, currently, right now, and even had your paper, so maybe not at 1617. Would you do you think you would be able to do the same thing? Would you have done it the same way? Are the things you’re like, well, actually, that have been more of a disadvantage or advantage? Now I’m just so curious, because there’s so many people who are starting now, whether they’re teenagers or in their 20s, and they just feel like, well, I can’t do that now. I can’t, I can’t. Take the headway that that Tanya or Jamila is talking about. So if you had to do it again in this day and age, what would that look
Tanya Taylor 50:08
like? I think that I would still be able to do a lot of what I did. And the reason is that now we have social media, we have the internet. We didn’t have that back then, and so we have the ability to generate income in many different ways. So I think someone who’s entrepreneurial minded, if they come here, even without their papers, there are certain things that they can do. I’m not going to say there aren’t constraints, because they’re going to be and I think even when I came here versus now, there are certain there are still certain limitations. First of all, there’s a shame of being undocumented, and then there’s just certain things that you’re just not able to do as an undocumented person. But I do believe that there are still opportunities to be able to do a lot of stuff, like back then, I don’t know if it i n was something that I would have been able to get, but I didn’t even have access to that information to know that. But even now, if you’re undocumented, that’s something that you can do. So you could actually start a business. Now and be able to do that business isn’t even as an undocumented person, whereas before, I wasn’t able to do that, open an account and yes, with house prices, sadly. I mean house prices now is just crazy, like I just don’t know how the younger generations are going to be able to manage. So in New York, it might be tougher, but I think there may be still opportunities in other areas that people can do that. I also think, and you’d have to be very, very careful about this, because I’ve had many trauma with my home. But if you can pool with family members and purchase a home and come to an agreement in terms of how you want to do that, then that’s a way to be able to purchase a home, if that’s something that you’re looking to do, because on your own now it’s tough, or it might be well, if you’re undocumented and you’re alone, you don’t have parents that you can live with long term, right? So it’s like figuring out on your own. But even for teenagers, let’s say you grow up here and you’re thinking, Okay, you’re you came here at 16, yeah, you were undocumented, yes, all this other stuff. And you’re thinking, as a teen, or in my early 20s, I still can’t buy a home, well, maybe look at all of the opportunities that’s out there. I’ve heard that there are programs out there that help with down payment and then be strategic about how you purchase a place. Maybe if you purchase a home, you don’t live in the entire thing, if you’re able to qualify to purchase a home, you rent parts of it out, especially if you’re young, like I was young, I was just like, I don’t need to live in a three bedroom duplex, so I could rent that out, and maybe you get roommates, and that could be temporary, and then as you progress, then you could have your own space, and you’re getting that rental income in. So there are different things that you can do even now, whether you’re undocumented or whether you were born here, and you’re just looking at life, and you’re like, life is hard. We’re not making enough. We can’t buy a house. It’s still possible. But I think the biggest thing that is going to come down to is your mindset and your goals, like, how, what do I want, and how can I get it? And then once you ask yourself that question, and you start putting things in place, you would be surprised at the opportunities that’s going to come your way. And like, I heard your story, and you talked about how you were at your job, and you didn’t like it, right? And you were just like, okay, what can I do? And you’re going through these hyperlinks, and suddenly you start a blog, and then it led to a podcast, and then look at you now. So this is a typical example of how shifting that mindset from okay, this is impossible. I won’t be able to do this to Okay. How can I do this? Because this is what I want. Ah,
Jamila Souffrant 53:49
I love that. It’s really, I know it sounds I know that some people when they hear it, so it’s like, oh, well, we need to pay our rent and mortgage. I get it. But like, it really starts from within, like, the mindset that we have and how we have, and how we think about obstacles and opportunities. I can’t stress it enough how like that is, I think the major force, apart from some of the advantages that I had, you know, growing up with and my perspective, was just the mindset of, if I can I’m gonna figure this out, I’m going to figure this out. And if this person can do it. I can do it too, or do something else, but I’m not going to just take this life that’s given to me. I’m going to create my own. Tanya, this conversation was so amazing. I’m so glad you came on the podcast. Please tell everyone where they can find more about your work, your books, your work, and reach out if they want to.
Tanya Taylor 54:39
Yeah, thank you. So they can find me at grow your wealth, 10 x.com that’s my website. I’m also on LinkedIn, if you try to find me, it’s Tanya Taylor, CPA, MBA, because apparently there’s a ton of Tanya Taylor’s. And I’m also on Instagram, at grow your wealth, 10 x.com and then I have two books, which is one where. I go through the whole disability and how to prepare for that if you ever become disabled. But I tell people, get that book before. And so both of my books are on Amazon. One is broke to wealth, and it provides strategies on how to manage your finances. You know, starting from nothing and just building up different things that you can do. Both of them are on Amazon. Okay,
Jamila Souffrant 55:21
I will share the links to all of this in the show notes so everyone can reach out. And if you’re listening to this on social media, or if you’re listening to this, please share it on social media. Let other people see, get connected at journey to launching at Jamila Souffrant, and I can re share it, but Tanya, thank you so much again for coming on the show. Oh,
Tanya Taylor 55:39
thank you so much for having me. The one other thing I did want to say is I would encourage your audience to watch the TEDx talk as well. Just because it has it’s really important to understand, like, why Long Term Disability Insurance is such a good benefit to have.
Jamila Souffrant 55:54
Okay, we’ll make sure to include that also in the show notes. Thank you.
Tanya Taylor 55:58
Thank you so much. This was great. Thank you.
Jamila Souffrant 56:01
Don’t forget you can get the episode show notes for this episode by going to journey to launch.com or click the description of wherever you’re listening to this. And you can still grab your jumpstart guide for free to help you on your journey to financial freedom by going to journey to launch.com/jumpstart you if you want to support me and the podcast and love the free content and information that you get here, here are four ways that you can support me in the show. One, make sure you’re subscribed to the podcast wherever you listen, whether that’s Apple podcast, that purple app on your phone, your Android device, YouTube, Spotify, wherever it is that you happen to listen, just subscribe so you are not missing an episode. And if you’re happening to listen to this in Apple podcasts, rate review and subscribe there. I appreciate and read every single review. Number two, follow me on my social media accounts. I’m at journey to launch on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, and I love, love, love interacting with journeyers. There three, support and check out the sponsors of this show. If you hear something that interests you. Sponsors are the main ways we keep the podcast lights on here, so show them some love for supporting your girl. Four, and last but not least, share this episode, this podcast, with a friend or family member or coworker, so that we can spread the message of Journey to launch. All right, that’s it until next week. Keep on journeying. Journeyers. You.
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I’m listening to episode 399 of the Journey to Launch Podcast, Overcoming Obstacles as an Undocumented Immigrant and Reaching $1 Million Invested by 48 w/ Tanya Taylor
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Do you find yourself constantly replaying situations in your head, worrying if you’re doing enough as a mom, and feeling stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts? You’re not alone!
In this episode, I dive into practical tools to help you stop overthinking, challenge those negative thoughts, and reclaim your peace of mind.
Whether you’re struggling with self-doubt, mom guilt, or just feeling overwhelmed, this episode will give you the mindset shifts you need to break free. Tune in and discover how to calm your mind and feel more confident in your motherhood journey.
If you’re a mom, you’re in the right place. This is a space designed to help you overcome challenges and live your best life. I’d love for you to join me inside the Mom On Purpose Membership where we take this work to the next level.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Mom On Purpose, where it’s all about helping moms overcome challenges and live their best lives. My hope is by being here, you are more inspired to become the mom you are made to be. I’m Natalie, your host, a wife, boy, mom, dog, mama, Chicagoan, and former lawyer turned professionally certified coach. If you’re here to grow, I can help. Let’s go.
Hello my beautiful friends. Welcome to the podcast. Let’s talk about negative thinking, shall we, that is what I have for you today. I’ve been coaching a lot on this and it’s been on my mind and I think there’s always more work to be done and we’ll talk about why. But first I just want to check in with you and see how it’s going. I cannot believe I’m about to have my third baby. What they say is true, it goes faster with each pregnancy, doesn’t mean it’s any less hard.
In fact, I think this was probably my hardest pregnancy, which, was such a learning experience for me. It’s never lost on me how different every pregnancy and baby and person and experience is. So with this one, I am looking forward to the baby being on the other side. Sweet baby Jack. He will be here before I know it, less than a month. I hope you’re doing well. I hope, this season is is going as planned for you and you’re gearing up for the holidays and you’re feeling good. And I thought today’s episode would be helpful because I’ve been hearing so much about negative thoughts lately and I think that just like relationships, the holidays are such a container for our normal issues, but with a magnifying glass. So if you struggle with overthinking, it probably is exacerbated during the holidays. Or if you find yourself having lots of negative thoughts, it’s probably even worse this time of year.
So let’s talk about it. I had a question that specifically came in about this from one of our community members. Just a reminder, you can always email into me at the [email protected] and let me know what you would like to hear. You can also leave a message on the podcast hotline 8 3 3 3, ask nat 8 3 3 3 2 7 5 6 2 8. It’s been so awesome for me to be able to create more tailored content with you and in that way really like answer your questions and feel almost like it’s a two way street, even though I am definitely the one talking mostly here. But otherwise I just love this format and so keep the questions coming. Um, you can always reply to an email as well. If you’re on my email list over at momonpurpose.com/subscribe, send me a DM all the ways I’m here for you my friends. So today’s message was via email. Someone replied to one of our emails and said this:
Hi Natalie. I’m struggling with constantly overthinking everything, especially when it comes to being a good mom. I often find myself stuck in negative thoughts like, I’m not doing enough. Or What if I’m messing up my kids? It’s exhausting and I don’t know how to stop spiraling into these thoughts. Do you have any advice on how to stop this negative thinking and calm my mind?
First, I just want to say I get it. I’ve been there. I still manage my mind around negative thoughts, but I also want to provide some relief for you to know that while it is the default way of operating and you can use all of the tools I’m going to teach you on this podcast and that we have in the membership available to you, it will significantly reduce the impact of negative thinking and overthinking in your life.
There’s no way that you can completely remove negative thoughts, nor would you want to. But it’s sort of like kind of, you know, having a little fly in the room and you’re sort of just like swatting the fly away and then it goes away, it’s, it’s not very bothersome, it’s not a big deal versus, on default when you are kind of where this person sounds like they are, it can be a lot harder, a lot more draining, exhausting. And that’s the part that you’re going to get a lot of relief from that I can offer you. So let’s start off with just talking about what is overthinking. I came up with my own definition because I specifically like to think about overthinking with three specific parts. So I have a very short definition for you that I think will be really helpful and then I want to talk with you about each part of it because then you’ll be able to catch yourself in overthinking patterns, which is how you change it.
So overthinking is repeatedly thinking negative thoughts and believing them. Part one is the repetition. Part two is that they’re negative thoughts and part three is believing that they’re true. Because, just think about it for a second. If you didn’t have any of these three parts, you wouldn’t be talking about having a problem with overthinking. So if there wasn’t the repetition, if it was just a random negative thought, it would just not be a problem for you. Most likely if the repetition and the believing that it was true was with respect to positive thoughts, also again would not be a problem. No one comes to me and says, Natalie, oh my gosh, can you help me with my positive thinking? It’s just too overwhelming. Not once ever has someone come to me with that. It’s always negative thoughts. So overthinking isn’t that you’re actually thinking too much, it’s that you are so attached to the negative thoughts that you’re having and believing them that they feel so overwhelming and exhausting in your life. So there has to be that negativity part in those thoughts as well. And part three is that you believe they are true because if you just had some negative thoughts that were repeatedly coming up, but you knew what I’m going to teach you here, which means that you would understand they’re just thoughts, they’re not actually the thoughts that you have to believe, then you would just let go of them and think better feeling thoughts.
So this is really just important to see because I think getting control over negative thinking and overthinking comes from understanding what it even is. So the way that you start the process of stopping negative thinking and overthinking is by understanding what it is. So let me repeat the definition to you. Overthinking is repeatedly thinking negative thoughts and believing them. There’s the repetition, the negative thoughts and believing that they’re true. I love this definition so much write it down. Make a note of it and that way you can become aware of when you are overthinking. Now I want to give you some examples of negative thoughts because you know, I don’t know about you, but I find that I think, okay, well I don’t think that negatively that often. But then when I was coming up with examples of negative thoughts, I realized, oh actually I do have some negative thoughts that turn into overthinking because they’re repeated and I believe them so I want to clean them up.
And the way that you know, if you are experiencing negative thoughts and overthinking is first you’ll be able to identify with some of these examples, but also check in with how you’re feeling. If you feel a lot of negative emotion, it’s ’cause you are thinking negative thoughts. So the first thing you should do if you’re feeling bad is look at your thoughts. And we don’t do this right, we want to change your circumstances, but your circumstances don’t create your feelings the way that you’re thinking. Your mindset creates your feelings. So if you’re feeling a lot of emotions like overwhelm, frustration, anger, busyness, feeling worried, self-doubt, any negative emotion that you wouldn’t want to feel given the circumstances. So for example, if you have a pet that passes away, you’re going to want to feel some sadness. I’m not talking about that here. I’m talking about I’m worried about my kids because they got a bad grade in school or I can’t stop overthinking about, you know, not keeping up with home and work and kids and all the things.
That type of negative thinking repeatedly and believing in those repeated negative thoughts will create the negative emotions like overwhelm, frustration, busyness, worry, those feelings that aren’t helpful. So check in with yourself. Are you mainly feeling negative emotions that given the circumstances of your life you wouldn’t really want to be feeling? And if that’s true, then you want to take a look at your thoughts. That’s the very first thing you should do is take a look at your thoughts. Now I want to give you some examples of what I’m even talking about with respect to negative thinking. Number one, I’m not doing enough for my kids. Number two, what if I’m failing as a mom? Number three, I should be more patient. Number four, she’s a way better mom than me. Number five, I’m constantly behind and I’m never getting enough done. Number six, I’m always making mistakes.
Number seven, I should be able to handle this so much better. Number eight, I’m not good at balancing work and family. Number nine, I can’t do anything right? Number 10, they should appreciate me more. Number 11, my marriage isn’t going that well. Number 12, I should be more present with my kids. Number 13, I need to get more done in order to rest. Number 14, other moms seem to have it all together. What is wrong with me? Number 15, I should have this all figured out by now. Alright, my friends, after reading that list, I don’t know about you, but I feel worse. Isn’t that crazy? The power of the thoughts that we focus on truly and instantly changes the way that we feel. So I’m going to shake it off because I did that for illustrative purposes and I hope it was helpful because I think sometimes we have this idea that negative thinking needs to be like so negative.
But what is the test for? Is it a negative thought? Is just, does it make you feel negatively? And the truth is, most of the time on default we’re thinking these kind of low grade negative thoughts that aren’t helpful at all. Yes, there is a space for feeling negative emotion on purpose when you are going through a loss. When your pet dies , that is the time when you genuinely want to feel sadness, when you genuinely want to feel negative emotion. And I just want to reiterate that because that’s really the difference between toxic positivity and finding silver linings and kind of all of those buzzwords that we hear about. It’s really just taking a step back and asking yourself, okay, given the circumstances, do I want to feel how I’m feeling? And if I have a pet die, I definitely want to feel loss and heartbreak and sadness.
So if you take a step back and you look at the circumstances, do you want to feel how you’re feeling? If the answer is no, which for most of my clients, the answer is no. We’re talking about the ordinary busyness of life. We’re talking about navigating challenges with our kids at school. We’re talking about, conflict in our marriages. We’re talking about kind of the modern motherhood season of life where you want to feel positive emotions, not necessarily always happy and joyful, but maybe confidence and, hope and connection and strength and um, there’s a whole variety of positive emotions that you might want to feel that would serve you much better than overwhelm, frustration, guilt, all of those things. So that’s what we’re really talking about here. Now let’s dive in to why we overthink, overthinking negative thoughts and believing them is a protective mechanism of the human brain that is wired for survival.
I say this all the time, your brain is wired for survival. It’s not wired for happiness. And that was really great when we had to worry about how we were going to get food and how we were going to get water and making sure that the lions and tigers and bears did not get us. That is not useful in modern motherhood. And yet we still have this primitive survival based brain. But the beautiful part of our evolution is that we also have this prefrontal cortex where we can more thoughtfully and intentionally override the primitive brain, not so we ever get rid of it, but so that we live more consciously and intentionally, which means very practically feeling more positive, happier, joyful, all just by managing your mind. So we overthink negative thoughts and believe them because your brain is constantly scanning for danger. It’s looking for the negative.
There’s a negativity bias where your brain wants to make sure it pays attention to what is negative, what could cause you harm to make sure that you stay safe and alive, super useful if you need to watch out for the bears. Not super useful if your brain is now scanning for everything your husband is doing wrong and then focusing on that and then believing that. And then you kind of, generalizing it and catastrophizing it. So now you think there’s this huge problem in your marriage when really he just ate all your snacks. You know what I mean? It’s like that level of, practicality that I want to drive home here. It’s in like the everyday little thoughts that we have about our lives that overall create these emotions that just aren’t that helpful for us. And when you manage your mind, you will feel so much better.
You will shift from negative thinking to positive thinking. It really is that easy. It just takes some intentionality. So just for this podcast episode, I came up with five steps that you can do to stop overthinking. I don’t know about you, but after listening to a good piece of content, like a video or podcast or course, I always want to know, okay, what can I do now to implement that? Because education, just for the purpose of education without using it, I don’t know, it’s, you know, borders on just entertainment. So I really want you to have an impact in your life. I want you to see some results. I want you to do this process for the next couple weeks and say, oh my gosh Natalie, it worked. I am reducing my overthinking. I love this process. So if you want, you can write into me and let me know.
Alright, let’s talk about the five simple steps and go through a couple examples from the question that was submitted. The process starts like this. Number one, ask yourself, what negative emotion am I feeling? And then you want to name that emotion and add in the word feeling. So let’s say you are feeling frustrated, you would name it and say, this is frustration. I’m feeling frustration. That’s really important that you start there because I think for a lot of us we’re more aware of just the feelings that we’re experiencing throughout the day. So it’s a good cue for you to know it’s time for me to take a look at and change my thoughts. Number two, ask yourself, what’s the thought I’m thinking that’s creating this feeling? And then write it down once you have that thought written down. Step number three is to study that thought.
Be the observer of the thought. You are not your thoughts. Just like you know your heart’s purpose is to beat your brain’s. Purpose is to think you are not your heart, you are not your hands, you are not your leg, you are not your brain. So when you write down your thoughts, you want to know that these are just sentences in your head and your job is to observe the thoughts and know that you can think anything you want, even if it’s a true thought. There are hundreds, dare I say, thousands of other true thoughts that you could believe. For example, a really simple one would be in your marriage. If you think the thought my husband doesn’t do enough around here, you will believe that and prove that true. Now, it might be a true thought anyways, but you could just as easily focus on my husband is such a great guy and when you focus on that, you’ll have a completely different experience. Both of those thoughts could be true for you, but it will have a very different impact on your marriage depending on which one you choose to believe. So this is not about choosing thoughts that you don’t believe, but it is about seeing that there isn’t just one right or one best true thought. The way to know if a thought is helpful and useful and one you should keep is to test out how it makes you feel and what actions you take when you believe that thought.
So step number three I think is the, is the step that gets skipped the most. We want to kind of rush over it and it’s just a really important step because you have to make sure you’re in that observer mode in order to change your thoughts. If you think you are your thoughts and you’re just trying to rush to a different thought, it’s not going to work. That negative thought’s going to keep coming back. You truly have to see, oh, this is a thought, this is a sentence in my head, it’s not a fact. Number four, create your next believable thought, write it down. And number five, practice, practice, practice. So if you were trying to speak Spanish and you couldn’t remember how to do it in the moment you would say, yeah, you know what? I need to practice more. I need to set aside some time and practice my Spanish.
This is what I’m talking about with respect to practicing your new thoughts. It’s a new language, so you’ve got to practice writing it down one time is not enough. So let me go through those five simple steps again really quickly. And then I want to walk through two examples with you. So number one is to ask yourself what negative emotion you’re feeling. Name it and make sure you include that word feeling. I’m feeling fill in the blank. Number two is to ask yourself what’s the thought you’re thinking that’s creating that feeling? And then write it down. Number three is to study that thought, pull it apart, be the observer of the thought. Know that you are not that thought and you don’t have to believe it. Number four, create a next believable thought. I call it the NBT. Write it down. And number five, practice your NBT.
Now let’s go through an example. Number one, what is the feeling? Let’s go with overwhelm. I’m feeling overwhelmed. Number two, what’s the thought? Well, this person wrote in with I’m not doing enough. Okay, so the feeling is overwhelm. The thought is I’m not doing enough. Step number three is to question that thought. What does enough even mean and why do you think that you need to do more? Are you attaching your goodness to getting more done? Are you trying to outrun your worth? Meaning if you take a rest or take a break, you think you are a bad mom? Why do you think you should do more? What would you think about yourself if you were doing more? What if you didn’t have to do any of it? Do you have needs that you are ignoring if you’re feeling overwhelmed? Probably yes. And why? Why are you ignoring those needs? What about saying no and just loving yourself? Taking space for yourself and kind of showing up without people pleasing IE, without saying yes to so much that you do it at your own expense. So that’s step number three. That’s where a lot of the coaching tools come in. Again, I do this all inside the Mom On Purpose Membership. It definitely is an art, but honestly, just the more that you practice it, the better you get at it. The point is that you are looking at your thought critically knowing that it’s not you.
Number four is to create a next believable thought. So you don’t want to go to toxic positivity where you’re thinking, I’m doing so much. What I’m doing is enough if you don’t believe it, this is what I wrote down for a next believable thought. In this instance, I’m a human mom with a limited capacity and I know it’s my job to take care of my own needs, including making sure I rest and have energy to show up as the mom I want to be. This means saying no, doing less and delegating and feeling complete and whole and worthy. In so doing this means nothing about me. My productivity means nothing about me. I am good enough just the way I am. I’m an amazing mom. Now that is basically a whole paragraph. And I wanted to, do that here for purposes of illustration just so you could get a sense of what other thoughts are available when you’re thinking a thought like I’m not doing enough.
But you can just create one very simple next believable thought. That is just one thought for you. The key is you want it to be believable to you. And then number five is you write it down and you practice it. You put it on the background of your phone, you say it to yourself in the mirror in the morning, you write it down. Think about this new thought as wanting to learn Spanish. You have to memorize it, you have to feel it in your body. That is how you rewire your brain and it’s worth it my friends, because that is how you stop negative thinking. That is how you stop overthinking those negative thoughts. Let’s do one more quick example with the other thought that the person wrote in to this podcast for. Number one, let’s say the feeling is worry. I’m feeling worried. So immediately by saying I’m feeling worried, it’s putting some space between the feeling and you, when you say I am worried, it feels like the worry is taking over you.
It’s who you are, but you are not worried. You are just feeling worried. That difference is everything. So I’m feeling worried. The thought she wrote in with what if I’m messing up my kids? Now, anytime your brain asks a question, you want to make sure you answer it. Particularly these what if catastrophic thinking sorts of questions. And that gets to number three, which is questioning the thought. What if I am messing up my kids? How is it even possible to mess up kids? Is there a certain way to be where I would be perfect and never make mistakes and never have a negative impact on my kids? Is that what I’m thinking? Am I thinking I’m supposed to be a robot mom and that their mom should never make mistakes and should do it perfectly? Do I think my kids aren’t supposed to have challenges? Do I think that I’m to blame if they do have challenges?
Does that even make sense? What does it even mean to mess up? What if kids are supposed to have challenges and I’m supposed to have challenges as well? I know that I’m supposed to be a human mom, so maybe it makes more sense to make space for my humanness and my kids’ humanness and maybe this thought just isn’t serving me. Okay. So that’s kind of the approach that I would take with step number three, where you’re genuinely just questioning the thought, getting curious about it, coming up with other thoughts in the process, and just exploring the other options that will feel a lot better. And then number four is where you write down your next believable thought. And again, I did like a whole paragraph for this one just to kind of illustrate what some of the thoughts could sound like.
There’s no such thing as messing up my kids. I’m a human mom who will make mistakes and even have an impact on my kids’ challenges. That’s how it’s supposed to be. I’m going to try my best and I’m also going to believe in my kids’ capabilities to navigate their challenges. I know I’m not supposed to be perfect. I choose to believe my best is good enough. I love my kids gently and fiercely and I know that I’m the exact mom that’re supposed to have a human mom. So do you see how that collection of thoughts feels so much better than the worrisome thought? What if I’m messing up my kids and this is the work my friend, the work of stopping negative thinking, the work of stopping, overthinking, the work of creating more positive thoughts so you feel better in your everyday life that is available to you. And it’s through the process of awareness of what you’re thinking and feeling, questioning those thoughts and feelings and creating a better, more supportive way of thinking and feeling and then practicing.
So where you are now is in negative thoughts. Overthinking land and where you want to go is to a much more positive and empowering mindset that creates the feelings that you want to fuel you. I like to say that it is my responsibility to raise my vibration. It is my responsibility to feel good about my life. And so doing this work is my responsibility. And knowing that process is step number one. But then practicing it is how you actually get results. So I invite you to take a look at your negative thoughts, study them with curiosity, question them, change them, and practice those better feeling thoughts. It is life changing work my friends. What you focus on is what you will create in your life. So focus on the good. There is so much good in your life. If you just focus on it, you will feel so, so, so much better. Alright, I will talk with you next week, my friend. Take care.
Thank you for being here and listening Now, head on over to momonpurpose.com/coaching to learn more about the Mom On Purpose membership, where we take all of this work to the next level.
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The post How To Stop Negative Thinking: Tools For Moms Who Overthink appeared first on Mom On Purpose.
Before this year, we’d already spent a ton of time in Canada — almost exclusively in the mountainous west, checking out some of its most famous National Parks or just driving to Alaska. But it finally felt like the right time to give the Canadian “Maritime provinces” a try, so we took a 43-day, 6,800-mile (11,000 km) eastern Canada road trip this past summer.
Like most of our extended vacations, this one was surprisingly affordable. I’ll save all the cost-cutting tricks we used while touring the Canadian Maritime provinces (and the entire budget breakdown) for the end of this blog post. For now, let me show you our Eastern Canada road trip itinerary!
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Getting From Florida to the Canadian Maritime Provinces
The first 1,600 miles (2,600 km) of this trip was spent just getting to Canada’s Maritime provinces, but we didn’t let this leg of the trip go to waste.
Since we were passing by the “Research Triangle” of North Carolina on the way up, we took 2 days to do some in-person marketing work for our new college tutoring business at UNC Chapel Hill, Duke University, and NCSU. This was an East Coast road trip after all, and what could be more “East Coast” than working on vacation? At least it came with some tax deductions.
After that, we spent 4 days exploring Washington, DC, which is a treasure trove of free tours, museums, monuments, and parks. Our favorite thing there was spending time visiting the Smithsonian Institution museums — a task we came nowhere near completing in 4 days.
As we continued north toward Canada’s Maritimes, we stopped in Burlington, Vermont, where we biked the Island Line Trail — a long, skinny strip of land just wide enough for a bike path that cuts through the middle of a big lake. We also caught the city’s Independence Day fireworks show (which was great) and popped over to Waterbury for a tour of the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream factory (which was honestly kinda lame).
New Brunswick: Fundy National Park and Hopewell Rocks
Main article: A Day in Fundy National Park (Walk on the Atlantic at Low Tide)
Quickly making our way to the Eastern provinces of Canada from there, we entered the country in New Brunswick. After spending an unremarkable night in the city of Saint John, we headed straight for Fundy National Park (mostly because its name contains the words “National Park”).
Fundy is a coastal park that’s home to some of the biggest tides in the world. We saw boats sitting on dry land in the morning that were afloat in the exact same spot by afternoon.
It’s a deep green, forested place that feels like a mixture of the North Cascades and the coastline of Maine — complete with waterfalls, rocky beaches, and tons of exotic flowers.
On our way out from Fundy, we stopped by Hopewell Rocks Provincial Park — a nearby spot where you can walk on the ocean floor during low tide and stare up at the coastal cliffsides.
Fundy and Hopewell Rocks were cool, but if I’m being totally honest, they were one of the less memorable parts of this East Coast road trip by the time it was over. The best was still yet to come.
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Prince Edward Island: A Taste of the Past
Next up, we crossed the long bridge to Prince Edward Island — Canada’s smallest province. The vibe here reminded us of Hawaii’s Big Island, because while the local economy definitely caters to tourists, the residents seem to live a slow, laid-back lifestyle that’s reminiscent of decades long past.
Crowds are rare, farmland is plentiful, and everything just feels a little less contaminated by modern civilization. We learned 5-pin bowling at the Credit Union Place Rec Centre in Summerside, caught a movie at the Brackley Drive-In (which doubles as a campground!), and cruised miles of empty roads with ocean views. It was a great place to relax and reset.
Nova Scotia: Foggy Shores and the Big City
After taking the bridge back to 2024, Lauren set our sights on the Joggins Fossil Cliffs in Nova Scotia (due to her obsession with dinosaurs). It’s a UNESCO World Heritage Site featuring a beach full of ancient, fossilized rocks. It was a nice place to take a long walk and learn a little history.
From there, we spent a couple nights in Halifax — the largest city in all of the Canadian Maritime provinces. It’s fine if you’re into the whole “big city” thing, but for us, it was mostly just a spot to stop and catch up on blogging and photo editing for a minute.
The highlight of Nova Scotia came when we went to Cape Breton Highlands National Park. Driving the Cabot Trail is as close to experiencing the Pacific Coast Highway as you can come on the Atlantic side of North America, and the entire park is filled with stunning views of mountains and the Atlantic Ocean.
This part of Nova Scotia feels especially similar to the Pacific Northwest, particularly because of the unpredictable weather and the ever-looming moodiness of off-and-on fog. While hiking the Skyline Trail, we went from a clear, 360-degree view of the sunset to zero visibility in a matter of minutes as we were swallowed whole by a cloud.
Newfoundland: Gros Morne and the Best of the Maritimes
On this eastern Canada road trip, the absolute best was saved for last. When we drove onto the ferry that took us to Newfoundland, we were transported to another world — truly the most impressive of the Maritime provinces.
Culturally, it’s a little different than the rest of eastern Canada, with a noticeable combination of Irish and French influence. The people are friendly, and the communities are so small that we were actually identified by locals at the coffee shop as “the ones who’ve been driving around town in that little van lately.”
The pinnacle of our experience was Gros Morne National Park, which felt like a cross between Alaska and Yosemite — with rocky beaches as an added bonus. It’s quiet, pristine, and awe-inspiring.
On the opposite side of the island, we checked out Terra Nova National Park — another swath of untouched wilderness with rolling hills and small cliffs offering sweeping views of the landscape. We also visited the city of St. John’s, where we walked a winding staircase trail down to the ocean at Signal Hill National Historic Site and watched fog roll in over cruise ships in the distance. It was one of our best hikes of the trip.
Oh — and there’s also a small town called Dildo (yes, really) on the east side with a lot of interesting gift shop merch.
@tripofalifestyle do you think they know? — #newfoundland #canada #followmeto #funny #travel ♬ Paint The Town Red (Instrumental) – Doja Cat
How We Made Our Eastern Canada Road Trip Cheap
Every year, we take months to see amazing places like the ones mentioned above, and every year, people ask us, ”How can you afford to travel for so long?!” The truth is surprisingly simple: We just don’t spend that much.
Here’s the total cost* of our 43-day trip from Florida to Canada’s Maritime provinces:
By using our tiny camper van as a place to sleep at free campsites most nights, getting our showers at Planet Fitness, and using credit card points to pay for a few other accommodations, we kept the “Hotels” expense category to a bare minimum.
Of course, driving a camper van isn’t free. The “Van” category in the chart above includes depreciation** and maintenance during the trip, which comes along with the obvious “Gas” line item as well.
For food, we went to a lot of restaurants, but we squeezed as much as possible out of every dollar in the “Dining Out” category by making use of menu hacks and choosing fast casual places.
While “Groceries” make up a relatively small amount of the budget, they go a long way because we shop at places like Walmart and eat cheap meals that we can prepare on a small propane stove — or without cooking at all.
The “Other” category is dominated by ferry rides to and from Newfoundland (and the bridge toll to PEI), but also includes things like bicycle rentals, bowling, parking, tours, entrance fees, and a replacement USB-C charger we had to buy along the way.
By spending frugally, we’re able to take extended vacations like this one without breaking the bank — but the benefits of frugality go far beyond just lower prices…
Our net worth has exploded over the past 10 years because we’ve always kept our spending to a minimum (even at home). Building a big savings cushion freed us from the schedules of full-time jobs and allowed us to retire early, meaning we don’t have to ask for “time off” to take these long trips.
If you want to travel more, the first step is to spend less.
— Steven
* The $4,803 cost of our trip was calculated using “vacation-related” expenses only, so it doesn’t include “back home” expenses like our existing health insurance plan, condo association dues, homeowner’s insurance, etc.
** To calculate our vehicle depreciation, we took the Kelley Blue Book “private party” value of our van before the trip, and subtracted its value after the trip (with nearly 7,000 more miles on it).
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Syfe REIT+ portfolio has just been rebalanced in line with the September 2024 semi-annual rebalancing for the iEdge S-REIT Leaders Index. This twice-a-year rebalancing was completed on 24 September 2024. The idea of using Syfe REIT+ is to rely on largely passive management, which means I don’t usually check my portfolio very often. Once in a while, […]
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