Looking for a Wife to Reduce Taxes!

settle down get married

I’m sick of being single. I’m sick of paying lots of taxes. Guess what, it’s 2017! I can do whatever I want with my life! It’s official: I’m looking for a wife to reduce taxes. Who needs love, it’s all about the MONEY, BABY!!!

Time to take action, in this post, I lay out my reasoning and give my dating preferences for prospective applicants 🙂

get married and reduce tax liability

The Tax Code is in Favor of Married Couples

Personal finance bloggers always talk about the importance of fees in investing. I love index funds because the fees are super low (.1%! vs. 1% or 2% for actively managed funds.) Guess what is the biggest fee that people don’t always look to optimize? TAXES.

Yesterday, I was doing some light reading on Physician on Fire about Roth vs. Traditional IRA Contributions. (Maybe not the best way to start the article for attracting my future wife)

In Physician on Fire’s post, a table was included showing the tax rates for single and married couples. I knew about the difference in the past, but it never hit me like it did yesterday. Looking at the table below, married couples have a huge advantage from a tax perspective.

2017 tax rates
2017 Tax Rates – why is the 35% bracket so small? Is Congress out to get single people making exactly $417,000?

In 2017, I’m pushing the 28% bracket. Last year, I made $93k gross and my adjusted income was $77k. This year, I’m on pace to make roughly $110k and as a result, my adjusted income will come in around $95k. Looking at the chart above, it’s OBVIOUS I need to wife up. An extra 3% a year will introduce a lot of drag on my wealth.

This is ridiculous, I need to act now.

Looking for a Wife to Reduce Taxes!

Here’s my pitch to prospective applicants: I’m not asking too much here. I’m 24, healthy, motivated, and looking to help people – does that sound reasonable to you?

For my future wife, I’m looking for the following:

  • A woman who understands the importance of living below your means.
  • A woman who is willing to sacrifice today to live like a king and queen tomorrow.
  • Someone who invests in themselves and is optimistic about the future.
  • A woman who will support me in my crazy endeavors, such as buying houses or starting businesses.
  • Someone who will help with house work (hey, gotta make the ask! this is my ideal wife we are talking about 🙂 )
  • No job experience required. Student loans or other debt not required. No future job prospects required either. (The tax code is favored towards stay at home mom’s 😉 )


It’s possible my standards are too high. It’s also possible I’m just being silly and love is the way to go. Love makes the world go round… though love isn’t certain like death and taxes. Hm… I’ll continue thinking about the topic of getting a wife to reduce taxes!

Married readers, is my idea flawed? Should I wait for love? What have been some money successes you’ve had from getting married? Who would be your ideal partner for financial success?